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I like the desert. There is a familiarity there. It resembles many of my recurring dreams that began as a child; an abandoned land that I would fill up with my mind…

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Third Annual Bike for Kam

Well, it's that time again.  Time for Bike for Kam.  If you have been following me the last couple years, you know the drill.

Three years ago my friends and I started Bike for Kam as a means to spread awareness and raise some funds for the non profit organization, ARM, that I work very closely with. ARM/HRG is the nonprofit working on HIBM research, the condition I have.

The first two years we rode from San Francisco to Los Angeles in seven days. Between those two years we collectively fundraised over $50K using social media.  Not too shabby for having no project funding and a little team of riders with me running its daily operations. This year we decided to take a break from the epic cross country rides and go local. SoCal, that is. Seven days is alot of time to annually take off. We always have people say they want to ride with us but can't because of work. So this year it's 150 miles, LA to San Diego in two days.  This weekend in fact.

This year I'll be joining my old and soon to be new friends on the road and as usual I will do a daily blog post recalling the day of biking.

With that, visit our website, donate if you are able and then pass our project to all your friends and family.  www.bikeforkam.com

Follow us on facebook, too! www.facebook.com/BikeforKam

Playing Art Catch-Up

Hello?  Is anyone still out there?  I highly doubt it.  What am I averaging, a couple posts a year now?

 I'm hardly followable.  I get it. I barely blog now.  I know, terrible. I'm not sure why.

I guess I go in swings where sometimes I want to write or draw it out and other times I get myself into distractions and focus on living and enjoying life rather than dispensing my emotions or running, errrr, rolling to publicly catalogue it.  

During those times, I barely let anyone know what I am doing.  It's kind of like me not wanting to share everything about myself.  I suppose, I want some pieces to hold that I only know about.  I need that, too. I can't be mentally in HIBM 24/7, even though there is no real way to take a break from it, distractions or not.

If I'm asked about my HIBM I certainly don't mind talking about it. In fact, I'm glad if they do. I'm glad if they feel brave enough, or even better, unphased with asking me what is obviously on their mind. But if no one asks then I normally don't want to bother people and I spare them the details. With that, I guess I haven't been in the blogging or drawing mood. I go in waves.  

Drawing allows me to shed what I'm feeling without burdening others.  

There is a sense of calmness and working through the journey of emotions when I journal them through drawings and I need to be better at making time for them.  If I do keep progressing, which will most definitely happen if treatment doesn't draw nearer, I too would be interested in seeing the timeline of progression and moods through art. But I'm still hoping I won't see that day.

The thing is, I only share my drawings and my life because I want to motivate results and action.   I don't want to be just an "inspiration" because most inspirations are momentary and then forgotten about.

What am I supposed to do with that?  

It's not tangible. It's not something I can apply to the here and now, so I have very little reaction to "you're an inspiration".  True inspiration motivates action.  I guess I want action. I want passerbys to get involved.

I share my art for this reason and not to be watched from the sidelines as I deteriorate, hearing the words, "your art is so inspiring or you're so inspiring".  It's not right for me to feel this way but sometimes I get upset about this and I become discouraged and sometimes stop drawing or blogging.  When I feel like it doesn't matter, I withdraw. It's like a dagger to my heart. I open myself up not to be noticed but to perpetuate action.  

I find myself thinking that I don't want to hear how sorry everyone is ten years down the road when I'm already deteriorated, especially when something could have been done to prevent me from getting that far. I guess, I'm not interested in seeing sad faces ten years down the road when something could have been done.

These thoughts are unfair but honest.  I know things don't work out like this, it's no ones fault or duty, and patience is needed but time is always weighing on my weakening shoulders. Literally.  

With that, I realize I haven't posted art on here in a whileIn fact, I have only completed a couple new drawings in the past 6 months. I need to get better.  I have, however, been in four art shows that I never blogged about on here. For now I'll upload some of my newer drawings but you can always view them on my Facebook page

I'll get back to drawing this summer.

Through Humor...

"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it." 

Keep laughing. Humor and creativity are the only things that keep me here.