I had a co-worker/friend that I would sometimes talk about my condition with, and most of the time I would spin it in a positive light even if I had just fell in front of her. One day I fell and she said to me, "Kam, you don't always have to be an after school special. It's ok to be sad".
I'm not my usual after school special today, for awhile, for that matter.
It's getting harder.
There are days when I have so much perspective and I can see way beyond myself. I see potential out of nothing, blissful in the little things, see the sheer goodness in others despite their glaring faults, sense love deep down, think life is too short and couldn't possibly house all my dreams and ambitions and take everything in stride, while devaluing what I am experiencing because I think anyone can do it.
And then there are other days when I’m just trying to keep it together. This is one of them.
I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.
"My grandma used to plant tomato seedlings in tin cans from tomato sauce & puree & crushed tomatoes she got from the Italian restaurant by her house, but she always soaked the labels off first. I don't want them to be anxious about the future, she said. It's not healthy." -Brian Andreas-
I'm sure the world will appear a little softer soon.