“I don’t give a shit what the world thinks. I was born a bitch, I was born a painter, I was born fucked. But I was happy in my way. You did not understand what I am. I am love. I am pleasure, I am essence, I am an idiot, I am an alcoholic, I am tenacious. I am; simply I am.”
Today is Frida Kahlo's birthday so I thought I would re-share a post I wrote from 2012 and add some thoughts, particularly my thoughts on the recent romanticized commercialization boom of Frida. The updated section will follow this 2012 post below.
ANOTHER 4AM RAMBLE, FRIDA KAHLO AND SOME NEW ART
July 6, 2012
It's 4am and I can't sleep. Insomnia disappeared for awhile but the last few months it's been climbing back.
I'm extremely uncomfortable at night. My upper limbs feel increasingly heavy. My shoulders feel like they just hang — like heavy weights without life. It feels like my arms, hands and fingers have been getting weaker. My joint pain has increased. This is not an HIBM (renamed GNE Myopathy) symptom. Some patients experience it, some don't. I do. Alot. I'm in constant pain in this area. I try not to think about it but it's hard when your body is in constant reminder mode. I guess we take for granted the seamless effort our body goes through. A "normal" body is constantly working in unified collaboration toward one single move. To them it's effortless.
So I'm making use of the middle of the night, or rather morning, by doodling out future sketches while watching Ratatouille.
My little Pippi is laying at my feet, looking up at me, wondering when I'm going to sleep so she can sleep.
“ I paint my own reality. The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to, and I paint whatever passes through my head without any other consideration. -Frida Kahlo”
Today is Frida Kahlo's birthday. Kahlo was an early 20th century Mexican “Surrealist” painter. She was a child among the Mexican Revolution and best known for her autobiographical self-portraits.
After her trolley accident Kahlo neglected her dream of becoming a doctor and turned to painting during her immobilization periods. A steel pole went through her hip and she was left with multiple broken bones, including her pelvis, ribs, spinal column, collarbone, multiple fractures in her leg, a crushed, dislocated foot and a dislocated shoulder. During the accident an iron handrail pierced her abdomen and uterus leaving her unable to have children; a conspicuous subject matter that commonly shows up in her work.
Her parents had a special easel built so she could paint from bed and thus she began painting out her life.
I've often wondered what my art station set-up would like if this happens to me in the future. Although, her situation didn’t cause weakness in her arms and hands like mine does.
I try not to think about it (the future) but from time to time it needles its way in.
Kahlo’s trolley accident when she was 18 was not her first brush with immobility. At age 6 she contracted polio. She was bedridden for nearly nine months and eventually recovered with only a limp to remind her of her childhood struggle. To aid her recovery her father encouraged her to swim, play soccer and even wrestle — highly unusual for a girl at the time. She was very close with her father but not her mother.
Kahlo painted from real experiences and much of her work are suggestions of the chronic pain and 30 something surgeries since her accident. In her paintings she depicted her physical ailments, miscarriages and identity struggles.
Despite her pain-filled paintings she was feisty, direct, revolutionary and tenacious with a zest for life. She was active and loud in the political, intellectual, cultural, literary and artistic movement. But by 1950 her health issues were all-consuming.
Kahlo was not your typical woman, especially for her time. She is often regarded by feminists as an inspiration and fellow feminist, which is interesting since Frida didn't regard herself as one. Even though she was for equality and certainly her life was peppered with acts of feminism in the way she unapologetically lived, but overall she was for accessibility for all. I think Frida would hate that feminists use her and claim her as their own since she was adamant in belonging to no label. She was beyond labels or trend. She even rejected being labeled a surrealist painter. Frida was Frida.
“They thought I was a Surrealist, but I wasn’t. I never painted dreams. I painted my own reality.”
Even though Kahlo was an artist, political activist and intellectual she loathed and had no room for elitism and high society. She criticised the rich for partying away the people’s money while the poor suffered. She was against US capitalism and imperialism if it favored the wealthy and kept down the working class. She was against (US) foreign domination and imposing their economic interest onto Latin America. And in her last days she participated in demonstrations against US’ CIA intervention of Guatemala. A number of her paintings were distinct criticisms of America imposing their will on them but we don’t hear much about this side of Kahlo in the US.
In general much of the political message of her art has been glossed over.
But she remained true to her roots, a voice for Mexico’s independence and skeptical of those who reveled in artistic and intellectual elitism for the sake of being better than others.
“I would rather sit on the floor in the market of Toluca and sell tortillas, than have anything to do with those ‘artistic’ bitches of Paris.”
To categorize Kahlo into a group almost devalues who she was. She merely painted what she knew and experienced. And what she knew was herself. She valued her life and took her work seriously even when museums didn't. She put herself on canvas.
It’s strange because I've held this same philosophy throughout my life. As I’m writing this I realize I hold many similarities. I don’t like to be categorized. While I’m an adoptee, former orphan, artist, disabled, Korean, American etc., I’m often weary of any such label since I’m many things and a sum of many experiences. I'm Kam, that's it.
Kahlo's self-confidence, in spite of her ailments, led her to do and be who she wanted. She was independent and chose not to fall into the trappings of tradition. She regarded herself a sexually liberated woman and openly bi-sexual who occasionally dressed in men's clothing. Despite her physical frailty, Kahlo had a very long list of love affairs and was no friend to monogamy.
In 1953 Kahlo received her first solo exhibition in Mexico. Prior she had exhibited in United States and Europe. At the time she was bedridden but that didn’t stop her from missing her own opening night. Arriving by ambulance, Kahlo interacted with her attendees from her four-poster bed set up in the middle of the gallery.
A few months later her right leg was amputated to stop the spread of gangrene. She returned to the hospital several times afterwards but stayed politically and artistically active up until her death at age 47 in the “Blue House” — where she was born. Officially it was reported her death was due to pulmonary embolism but many suspected suicide, including her nurse who counted her painkillers. Kahlo had been suicidal throughout her life with many attempts.
In her last diary post she wrote, "I hope the exit is joyful — and I hope never to return"
One would think that a statement like that derives from a person who didn't truly enjoy life but I think she was just being honest. I hate when society romanticizes artists as "mad", "tragic" and "tortured" because aren't we all? The only difference is artists have the ability to leave a visual trail. I myself hate being described as a sad tragic artist. It's insulting. Her pain was real and though she did so much with her life, I think she understood and accepted her own mortality and place in life.
We are important, but not important at the same time. I think once we are able to accept that and the reality of mortality, we can start to grow and not take ourselves so seriously. We can live beyond the confines of tradition and rules set for us and that’s what she did.
We often think people who express sadness or real moments of pain must always be that way but you can simultaneously represent both sadness — what is true for you in that moment — and employ a relentless pursuit of life. I can express how my condition feels and still live my life to the fullest with joy and passion.
What is real is real. What is pain is pain. Multiple emotions can exist at the same time.
I don't post art so people can feel bad or feel sorry for me. I do it because I know alot of people are going through the same thing, even if it is in a different form. In the end we are all seeking connection and understanding.
Frida was recently exhibited at LACMA and I of course wanted to see her work in person.
Like most artists, she was not famed until years after her death.
I had always been a big fan of Frida Khalo long before my condition even started. I liked that she represented herself as almost ugly and painted her own past, present and future.
In high school I would sit in the library and read about her during lunch and appreciated the honesty depicted through her images.
Now, that I have a progressive condition, I still like her but look at her work much differently with genuine intimacy. When I started illustrating about my condition a couple years ago, I hadn't even really thought of Kahlo since highschool.
Kahlo had many fans visiting her work at the LACMA exhibit. In my chair I had to traverse through the crowd of spectators who repeatedly ran into me right after artfully theorizing and dissecting her paintings on the wall.
"Oh, I didn't see you," they would say annoyingly as they ignorantly regarded me as someone in their way. It was ironic since they were just intellectually salivating over a disabled artist's collection and yet they looked at me surprised I was out in public.
I think many people like art for the appearances of liking art but completely miss the message. This both applies to spectators and fine artists.
I sat there quietly rolling through the artist's emotions and it felt weird to add "meaning" to it. It felt weird to look upon another's emotions and pain; feelings that you are well aware of because of your own intimate experience. Her work was social and political but more than anything her art was based on personal agony with her physical ailment.
"Disability" is a person and not just a condition or disease. Understand the person behind it and only then can you understand disability and struggle.
“I paint self-portraits because I am so often alone, because I am the person I know best.”
Here are a couple new illustrations below. I suppose art is the healthiest way I can distract myself. I'm very lucky to be able to use drawing as a tool to express myself and the experience. I seem to use it to make sense of things to myself first because I understand things better visually. And second, to make sure I am clearly communicating it to others.
Sometimes I think the art circle is meant to be above someone, a means to hide cryptic deep messages into an image that only an intellectual, an artist or the educated can get. But I think art should be the opposite. It's not meant to be above but with. Art is meant to communicate and make the viewer feel like they are a part of something.
What good does it do if no one can understand what you are trying to say?
When something challenges you like going through cancer, a death, a horrible disease — if you can handle it with dignity, humor, expression and growth — no matter what the outcome at least you proceeded gracefully and learned. It’s a journey, pain and all.
I guess drawing is how I can make sense of it all. Thanks for following my work. I wish I could complete five new drawings a day. I have so many I need to finish. Time to sleep.
July 6, 2018
When I wrote this post in 2012 Frida was not exactly the mainstream sensation she is today. Right now, Frida is the artist of commercialization and a pop-culture icon. I see her everywhere. She's a hipster icon. I can't even go down a hipster street without seeing her all over. She's on purses, shoes, tshirts with ridiculous angsty taglines, dresses, lunch boxes, skin cream, tequila (ironic since Frida was an alcoholic), shower curtains, underwear and even a white-washed Barbie doll which sparked a lawsuit from her descendants and subsequently was banned in Mexico by a judge.
Conglomerates like Converse, Forever 21, Zara and H&M have all flocked toward the Fridamania – looking for their slice of profitable pie. I’m not talking about the items you may find in a museum gallery; an art print or a book. Or artists who want to express their adoration, or local Mexican booth vendors. I’m talking about conglomerates and their T-shirts with angsty taglines smeared across it. If they really wanted to share her message and make art accessible for the average, perhaps in order to align with her life and message they would get together and give a percentage of proceeds to art shops for women, lgbt program, the impoverished or disabled which she so often spoke about. But it’s not about that, it’s about exploiting the latest trend.
Today in the social media world it’s about consumers attaching themselves to something seemingly important whether they know what it is or not.
This is not a judgement on those who buy these items, it’s a commentary on conglomerates who don’t really care unless money is the end goal.
Side note, I refuse to patron H&M as they are NOTORIOUS for stealing designs and artworks from unknown artists without giving credit or compensation.
In reality artists have little rights. Society usually disrespects artists and designers. The usual request I receive is, "Can you do this for me for free...it won't take you that long, right?" Designers are often perceived as not deserving high compensation or the respect other fields receive. Artists' work are constantly being stolen or repurposed for personal or commercial use. It's a problem the entire industry feels and it's been a constant issue in my career. People expect my services for little to nothing and because of my personality I have done so much free work in my career, which I now know was probably a mistake but my fault. Many times this included nonprofits or starter nonprofits and for those I don’t regret it as much because they needed help. It’s in me to want to help even if that means sacrificing myself. It’s a good and bad trait.
I digress but this disrespect intersects the recent commercialization of Kahlo.
An artists' life is not their own once they die. Romanticized capitalism owns their life and story and their free to make them a tragedy for the goal of sales because romantic tragedy sells.
It's usual that the most historic artists became successful once they die. Kahlo didn't get to consent to the mass commercialization of her life and she would have hated it. She was militantly anti-capitalism and specifically anti-US capitalism because she felt it controlled, exploited and stomped on the working class.
This mass merchandising trivializes and betrays her life.
And, to be honest the society of high brow fine art of dead artists is not much different. While I love museums and artists of old, the world of high end gallery art is a scam. The high brow gallery industry really has nothing to do with art, rather money. In this sect of art what often constitutes as art is determined by the investors and an elite school that controls the work. The 1% don't necessarily buy Picassos and O'keefes because they like them, they buy them because art is about investment. Big expensive art is all about who owned it prior, because the more notable its owners, the higher they can price the art. Meanwhile so many artists never benefited from this financial success when they were alive.
What we've done is completely missed the point of art. In Kahlo's case we've reduced her story to merchandizing and heroic romanticism. We've idolized a figure rather than her message. We romanticize artists and disability and yet we are still far from acceptance of those who are different, those who choose to live on the edge of the norm. So did her story really penetrate those who wear Frida? Because like I mentioned in the above blog post, people looked at me like I was nobody at a LACMA Kahlo exhibit of 2012 while viewing the art of a proclaimed disabled artist.
In today's society we are still surprised if a disabled person has any assemblage of talent. We still perceive those who are disabled or sick as void of talent or voice. I'm frequently approached on the street like a child. Many times they will speak to Jason as they ask questions about me despite me sitting right next to him as if I'm catatonic or stupid.
We want to view people as tragedies rather than another fellow human story. We want to idolize people while completely missing the point of their story. The point of Frida is her story. The point of her is to experience a completely unique human, not for us to wear her externally. The point of diverse stories is to be reminded of humanity. The point of varied stories is hopefully it will open our minds and awareness of the billions of unique stories out there, and it behooves us to know and understand these differences for it broadens our minds and changes what we once thought.
“Your resilience is your humanity.
I’m often told I’m a tragedy. I’m not a victim I share because my story has value.
Diversity is strength. Difference is a teacher. Fear difference and you learn nothing.
-Hannah Gadsby”
My art gallery
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