“You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintery light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen. When the cold rains kept on and killed the spring, it was as though a young person died for no reason.
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Long time, no blog. I’ve been so busy and out of it lately. I don’t get over here as much but I utilize my instagram as a mini-blogging platform. I find it’s easier to spontaneously jot down thoughts, so if you don’t see me on here, you most likely can catch up with my musings on my Instagram where I document travels and art. Feel free to follow me at: Instagram.com/kamredlawsk or my Facebook art page at Facebook.com/kamredlawsk.
This post was from mid-October but I’ve added some points to it.
. . .
Few weeks ago we went on our annual autumn trip to the Sierras. We haven’t done much road tripping this year, at least not for pleasure. It’s been a difficult year — with my health, progression of my body, family health issues, Jason being laid off, spending the summer putting together my solo art show (I haven’t shared this on my blog yet) and Jason figuring out how to break into freelance full time rather than the 9-5. With everything going on we’ve achieved far less road trips than usual. To be honest most months this year I didn’t want to go out, be social, see inspiring things or vagabond until we find “it”. This is very unlike me.
No matter how sad or down, I always want to be inspired. It’s this curiosity and pleasure in the simple things that allow me to overcome the daily physical/emotional struggles of this progressive muscle wasting disorder. If not for passions and love to create, no matter how big or trivial like taking pics, I’m not sure where I would be.
Few days ago I finally wanted to find inspiration from the road again and pushed myself to get back out there and find it. Every year traveling is that much tougher on my body so it really takes desire and will to continue. Sitting for so long can be agonizing on my tailbone and swollen legs and limbs. But I’m never giving up. I’m not giving up traveling until it’s physically impossible for me to engage.
As I rolled around the woods, surrounded by gold coins, I was reminded why I love nature so much. I roll to it for comfort and wisdom. Nature is beautiful — the seemingly simple sheathing disguises its elaborate constructs. So much life is happening in the stillness of nature. So much life, death, birth and savagery all happen behind a blissful veil of spontaneous beauty. Nature is reactive, adaptable, ever-changing, brutal, beautiful, calm, relentless, sensitive and honest. It’s humbling to remember that all of nature is being born and dying every passing second.
Spending time in nature is good for the body and mind. A growing body of scientific research has been proving benefits of fresh air, sun, being outside and nature for depression, anxiety attacks and stress. Nature is a great natural antidepressant and it’s free. It’s a natural mood booster and path to timeless experience where you get lost in your surroundings rather than you worries and thoughts.
I don’t think we focus enough, if any, time and money on wellness and mindfulness. We are caught in a rut of treating ourselves with pills rather than also improving how we get to this point with prevention and natural forms of therapy. I’m not saying natural is a replacement for western medicine. No way. I’m not a pill shamer either. Everyone’s circumstances are different and no one person can decide what they should or shouldn’t be doing. I’m knocking a culture that pushes them for profits sake, unleashing a cyclical nature of social issues. I’m knocking a culture that’s reactionary instead of proactive and preventative. I’m knocking a culture that creates customers rather than treatments. I’m knocking a culture that treats lives like commodities.
There are genuine reasons and horrendous genetic conditions for why someone needs anti-depressants and painkillers and I know many people who genuinely do SO it’s not a judgement. Even the strongest painkillers are no match nor relief for some of the most horrendous genetic conditions. It’s more of an observation of an overall culture, an industry and our care-takers who push pills first.
“The 2016 National Study on Drug Use and Health reported that an estimated 28.6 million Americans age 12 and over used illicit drugs during the month prior to the study. That means roughly 1 in 10 people struggle with some level of substance use, including addiction to prescription drugs. In the US alone, an estimated 54 million people over the age of 12 have used prescription drugs for nonmedical reasons in their lifetime.”
United States has 5 percent of the world’s population yet consume 75 percent of the world’s prescription drugs and near 80% of the world’s opioids. I like numbers. I think they say a lot, and what the numbers say is we are chemically covering what may be an ill plan to ensure a healthier America. We focus on post care which is one of the reasons healthcare is so expensive. We don’t focus enough on prevention, caring for the ill, mental and physical health and wellness which is a shame cause a healthier America means less health costs on individual and government and less social crises thus a more productive and happy society. But it doesn’t seem to be a focus as much here and our numbers show it, as we are subjected to the most expensive and least effective healthcare system among the top developed high income nations and this statistical position hasn’t really changed since 2000.
If you’re not sick, facing terminal and debilitating conditions like ALS or living with a physical or mental disability, you have no idea what we have to go through. Our time is spent fighting for care and our lives.
A 2017 UN report on narcotics revealed US is facing an opiod overuse. With Big Pharma and their hands deep in pockets in both sides of the government aisle, and most doctors having a relationship with narcotic distributers who aggressively market addictive opioids, it’s no wonder we are facing a crisis. Between 2013-2015 the DAILY doses of opioids was 47,580 million people. Germany was next in line with 30,780 million and then the report curbs off to the third highest from listed countries which was 1, 220 million people with daily opiod doses to non-existent in other countries compared to near 48 million daily doses in US. Numbers matter and one has to ask themselves, “Why do Americans need more prescription drugs than other countries? Even US doctors admit that many procedures and prescriptions, perhaps as much as 50%, are unnecessary.
One of the side effects of addictive prescriptions is when an individual gets addicted and can no longer get them, they turn to cheaper street dugs like heroine. As a nation we don’t do anything to improve the mental or physical health culture, yet we vilify and criminalize those suffering from addiction when they are subjected to this cyclical system. War veterans are among the most vulnerable. We send them to war to do and see horrible things and then they return riddled with PTSD and in many cases their mind degrades them to homelessness, violence, suicide, depression or prison.
“It was a beautiful bright autumn day, with air like cider and a sky so blue you could drown in it.”
Nature calms me and brings me back. I’m less troubled when in mother nature’s world. Nature is being recognized more and more as prevention and even cure for many ailments. “Nature prevention” is seen as cause behind many modern ills, behind depression, anxiety, stress and behavior issues in children. City dwellers have a 20 percent higher risk of anxiety disorders and a 40 percent higher risk of mood disorders when compared to people living closer to nature. Again, not saying it’s going to help everyone but adding natural forms of therapy can’t hurt your treatment plan. In many ways I think mother nature simplifies your life; less expectations, less pressure, less comparison, less hierarchy, and instead you’re more like a silent witness. A spectator to life.
When I look at nature I can’t help but feel happy and content in that moment. Nature always helps me understand myself and my place in the order, and how insignificant I really am. It was nice to breathe in fresh mountain air and soak in the colors and sun around me.
There’s really no real answer to handling bad stretches of ourselves. It’s a day-by-day meeting with your struggles and committing to forgive yourself and keep pushing. Keep exploring yourself and others. Keep growing and even changing your perspective. Seek the sunny side of your soul and happy nature hunting 🍂.
My art gallery
Follow my wheelchair travels, art and mini-memoirs at Instagram.com/kamredlawsk and Facebook.