As a kid my mother made ceramics all the time. One year she made me this tree for me, my first Christmas tree. I thought I was hot stuff as I was the only one of us kids with a tree in my room. When my mum passed away 4 years ago (unexpectedly and not at the same time) I looked all over for this thing. Despite being the one who mostly cleaned out her home I didn’t get many of her things except her 2 Australian watches she’d promised me all throughout my childhood. Getting ready and putting on those watches always sparked memories for her and inherently what followed were stories of love and crushes from when she was young in Australia. But this tree was one of the things I really wanted back from mum and I was fragmented when I couldn’t find it. I asked my dad if he knew where it was and this year he finally found it in my childhood home (they’d been divorced for some time). I’m glad to have it back, my childhood glowing nightlight made from my mother’s hands.

Christmas time was always a big deal and my mother burnt herself out every year trying to make it special. It’s strange, but I’ve looked all over and barely have any pictures with her at Christmas. Probably because, as most moms are, she was behind the scenes making the magic happen and thought of herself last including putting herself in our photos.

When you get older all you seem to have left is your memories. Hold onto those. It’s experiences and memories that are important. This is why I chase experiences over things so much. Things don’t matter, except for this kind that ties you to the memories of those you love. Jason says he can’t remember much from his childhood but I’m lucky my memories have always been so vivid. Whenever, whatever, whether from my childhood or a few years ago, my memories are always so visceral as if it’s happening right in front of me like an old projector. I can remember the lighting, the sun, how the wind felt, smells and details of a moment. Perhaps it derives from my ability to be deeply sentient. I was always eminently feeling and observant even as a child.

At any rate, I’m glad to have you (tree) and a little piece of my memory back with me. Merry Christmas, mom. Miss you🎄

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