Kristin and I are friends on Instagram. In this video she lightly touches on pervasive subject of “able” society completely stunned when they realize that someone disabled could find love or that a “normal” person could even be interested in someone like us. Immediately, the “able” conclusion says that this individual who is with a person with a disability must be an “angel”.

Strangers will often address Jason with questions they have for me instead of directly asking me. Some of them are amazed when I can articulate for myself as they baby talk me as “inspirational” for even being outside. He is often congratulated by strangers for being with someone “like me” and look at him adoringly while glancing at me with pity. He and I both hate this. What people don’t realize is their reaction completely disregards any contribution I may have to society or as a partner. With this perspective they have regarded me as nothing but a thing to care for, rather than symbiosis that exists in most relationships.

When we began dating for the longest time strangers would address Jason as my brother. I have no idea why I didn’t catch on sooner but it used to be confusing.

I would say to Jason, “Haven’t they ever seen two asians together? Why do they think you’re my brother?”

Until it hit me. Ahhh. They’re shocked that I have a partner because I’m “disabled”. I am disabled therefore incapable of love or finding love. I am disabled therefore incapable of erotic intimacy in this “broken” body, therefore void of sexuality or being of sexual interest to any “normal” being.

As a I wrote in my 2012 column “SEXABILITY: When You Have A Disability, What Happens To Your Sex Life?”: “The disabled are often desexualized, ignored and babied, and if one happens to have a partner, then that person is deemed some kind of saint for even considering taking on the wounded—as if disabled individuals are incapable of inspiring romantic love or eroticism.”

I didn’t get it when people assumed Jason was my brother as I’ve never really had a problem finding attraction because of my disability. Even as a married person, Jason and I don’t participate in jealousy and capable of accepting those who may be attracted to us or those we may frivolously find attractive. People aren’t monoliths. Attraction and sexuality aren’t monoliths.

Read my “SEXABILITY: When You Have A Disability, What Happens To Your Sex Life?” HERE

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Follow my wheelchair travels, art and mini-memoirs at Instagram.com/kamredlawsk and Facebook.